One drain out, one to go...

After having the drains in for five days, the first one was pulled out today! Over the last 48 hours , I have had two consecutive days where one of my drains had measured below 30mL (in fact it was 25mL and 14mL). These drains are a big pain in the butt so I was over the moon thinking of having at least one drain removed. The second drain is getting closer but it's not there yet. The only hitch is that I have heard from a number of people how painful it can be to have them removed. Six inches of tubing has to be pulled out from inside me. With five days having gone by since my mastectomy, there is a chance that my body has had a chance of growing around the tube. I decided to take a painkiller (or two) 40 minutes prior to the removal. I was not leaving the pain to chance. No sirree Bob! As it turns out, I could feel it but there was no pain. I'm looking forward to the second drain coming out. Hopefully it will be sooner than later...

More home care...

My home care nurse came to visit me 24 hours after I left the hospital. She would continue to visit me over the next couple weeks every day. I received 24 staples over almost an eight inch incision spanning across what was my right breast, all the way under my right arm where my lymph nodes were. Each day the nurse would change the dressing over the staples, cleaning it as well. I also had two drains inserted into me. I can best describe them as something that looks like a hand grenade (it literally fills the full palm of my hand. About two feet of tubing is attached to this football-shaped ball and another six inches of tubing is inside me. The tubing inside me is flatter and has tiny holes all over it so fluids can get into the tube and travel down to the grenade-like object that gathers all the fluid.  Initially, it's mainly thicker blood but it slowly becomes thinner and lighter, pulling in some fatty tissue (I know - yuck!). The drains cannot completely fill and they need to be drained on a regular basis at the beginning. The first day, a crazy amount of fluid was drained - half a litre from one drain! The other drain was more of a typical amount - about 180mL. A drain will be taken out once it reaches a total of 30mL for two consecutive days. Now I wait...

Mastectomy completed...check...

Step two of this journey has been completed. I was at the hospital for eight in the morning. The whole process before the actual operation dragged on. I finally went into the operating room at just past ten in the morning - and they told me I was the priority that day. Yikes - when you are nervous, waiting around is not the best thing for you. Regardless, I had kept myself so busy right up until the night before surgery and then the morning of, that I really hadn't had too much time to even think about the mastectomy.  When the nurse came to get me and I said good-bye to my husband, I finally got a little nervous. The nurse was great. Actually, all the nurses in the O.R. were awesome.  They all told me that if they were getting a mastectomy, this was the surgeon they would want. Now normally I would think that they were just saying that to make me feel good but when you have heard that as often as I had to this point, I really believed that I was in great hands. The nurse that was mainly talking with me was so kind and compassionate. She kept rubbing my forehead or cheek - but not in an annoying way. It was very motherly - just who everyone wants at a time like that.  When I was laying on the table and just before they put the mask on me, I finally let a couple tears trickle down my cheeks. The nurse was so sweet. She would wipe the tears away for me with the corner of a very soft and warm blanket. Then I went to sleep. I woke up in some discomfort in a strange room where I continued to nod in and out. I was there for about two hours. They finally wheeled me to the recovery room where I continued to nod off. My husband and mother were able to come in and see me there though. All was right in the world. I was there for another couple hours and then I finally got to go home. Home sweet home. As I write this blog entry, I realize that it has been just over 24 hours since my surgery. I was very groggy when I got home yesterday and went to bed just after seven in the evening. My sweet husband emptied my drains for me. For those that don't know what that is,  I have two tubes running out of my body where I had my mastectomy. Attached to the end of these tubes are plastic/rubber bulbs that look like hand grenades. They are a good size in that they fill your whole hand. As they begin to fill up, they need to be emptied and the fluid needs to be measured.  My husband was doing this almost every three hours until about five in the morning. We were finally able to go about five hours before we needed to empty them and I am now at seven hours later and just about set to empty the drains again. I am feeling quite well today (my Mom and Dad even said that I was chipper). I have some pain and discomfort but I it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I am able to move my arm quite freely except for lifting it up. Don't get me wrong, I am moving it slowly but I already have good range. My rib cage is very tender but I am up and trying to move around. The more movement I can get, the better off I will be in recovering.  I should be in quite a bit of discomfort for three days and not bad by a week. By the end of two weeks I should feel pretty good and by the end of three weeks, I should be healed. In the end, I think chemo is worse than the mastectomy...

Pre-op completed...

Yuck! More darn blood work! And the nurse had to check my weight, again. In actuality, the pre-op appointment is nothing (once you get past the blood work and the weight measurement!). It's a double check on the information they have. The nurse had to double check the consent for surgery and for the consent to be put under. We went over any medications I may be on to see if they would interfere with the surgery (no worries there). The nurse reminded me no alcohol 24 hours before surgery (really? - I want a glass of wine the night before), no eating or drinking anything after midnight, no chewing gum for 24 hours before, nothing (even water) the day of surgery. I need to make sure I go to the hospital in loose, comfortable fitting clothing and my sweatshirt needs to be a zip-up as I won't be able to lift my arm. I need to be sure to have someone available at the hospital waiting so they can drive me home (duh!). I also have to leave all jewelry and personal possessions at home, except for my health card. Next up, mastectomy...

The date is set...

I met with my surgeon on Friday. The date for my mastectomy has been set for Wednesday, April 22nd, 2015.  10 days away.  Yikes! The surgery itself is about one and a half to two hours in length. From there I go to the recovery room for another two hours and then a final room where I will be for approximately another two hours. It is there that I will be picked up to go home. That's right! A mastectomy is day surgery! In and out! Who knew? Take a whole body part from me and I go in at 8:30am and leave that afternoon. I couldn't believe it. I also know that I will feel sore for about three days and be not too bad by the end of a week. After two weeks I will feel pretty good and after three weeks I should be fully recovered. Wow! I have a pre-op appointment in four days where they will go over all the do's and dont's and review the procedure and times with me one more time. With my mastectomy, the doctor is taking all of my lymph nodes on the right side. This probably scares me more than anything because I have a chance then of developing lymphedema as a result of removing all the lymph nodes. As it was explained to me lymph nodes help your blood flow through your body kind of like a filter system. When all the lymph nodes are removed from one area, that area may not work properly. Lymphedema happens when the blood flow is not working properly. I have a 25% chance of this occurring. If I do end up having lymphedema, my right arm - including my hands and fingers (it is the lymph nodes on the right side that are being removed) will swell regularly (oh no, I love all of my rings and bracelets), it is suggested that I avoid lifting anything more than fifteen pounds with my right arm, I will have to go for and learn to do my own physiotherapy on my right arm, and if I fly anywhere, I will have to wear a compression bandage on my arm (probably something I should do anyway even if I don't develop lymphedema). Something I have going for me is that I am younger and in fairly good shape. That will hopefully help my odds of NOT developing lymphedema. The date is set. Only time will tell...

Just like a Georgia peach...

I'm getting some peach fuzz back on my bald melon! I am so excited! I noticed it two days ago when I looked in the mirror. I saw one side of my head glisten slightly. I had a closer look and I mean a close look at my head. You can't see it from more than a foot away and you really have to look closely even when you are actually looking for it. The hair is so super fine and so golden that you really have to look closely and at the right angle if you are attempting to find it. I'm almost obsessed with it. I run my hand over my head just so I can feel the tiny fine hairs. It doesn't quite feel the same like if you were to run your hand over a head that has been shaved down. It's so much softer and so much finer. I look in the mirror to see where it is starting to grow (or where I can find it growing). I can now see it everywhere - the sides, top, and my hairline around my forehead. Don't get me wrong, it will be a long time before I go around in public without a hat of some sort or without my wig but it feels so awesome to have a little bit of hair growing back. I was told that I would actually start to notice real hair (not peach fuzz) growing back about a month after my last chemo treatment (March 24th, 2015). Speaking of hair, I still have most of my eyelashes and most, well maybe half as much of my eyebrows. They are definitely thinner but they are still there. I am really hoping the most of the rest of my eyelashes and eyebrows hang in there. I consider myself lucky to have any remaining as I was told I would more than likely lose them completely. If I do happen to lose my eyelashes or eyebrows, I should have them back within seven to eight weeks.  Here's to hoping they last and not much more falls out, and to my hair starting to grow back. I'm all smiles...

A well-deserved day all about me...

I am sooooo excited! I am going for a well-deserved spa day!  I am going for the works! We are talking manicure and pedicure (couldn't do those during chemo in case of nicks and infections), massage, facial and a lunch. I can't wait! I want to just lay there and have someone pamper me. I love this on a normal day but when chemotherapy did a number on my body. It is incredible to see how it has dried out my skin as much as it has. At one point my hands and feet were peeling. I am sooooo looking forward to someone massaging creams and oils into my hands and feet and for the parafin wax on my heels. My face felt so dry and I had to put face cream on at least a couple times a day. I am going for a hydro facial. It is supposed to be amazing and add a lot of moisture back into my face. I'm sure it will but to be honest, I can't wait to just have someone pamper me. I do have to remind the estetician to not rub or wash my eyes (the lashes) or eyebrows too much - I haven't yet lost either my eyebrows or my eyelashes! Knock on wood!!! There are still another ten days where they may fall out so no tugging! It just goes to show the lasting effects of what the chemo is doing in my body. I also can't wait for the massage. Oh the massage! My muscles and joints and bones have been so achy. I could probably lay on that bed all day and just have the massage. The spa is local and they do a wonderful lunch. I am looking forward to this day all about me more than you could possibly know or understand...

Round 8: Lisa 8 Chemo 0

I did it! I survived! Chemo is done and over with hopefully never to be seen again! It was tough, gruelling, exhausting yet necessary. My doctor's have given me just over four weeks to recover and make myself stronger before I have my mastectomy. I will take this opportunity to get myself outside and to feel human again. I have felt cooped up all winter. Every other week I had to stay home or close to home so I could rest and recover. The rest of the time I hardly wanted to leave our house because it was either so cold out or because I look sickly - like a cancer patient. My eyes are darker and my skin is pale. I can't wait to get some life in me again. The sun will help with the vitamin D. I have to be so careful now as melanoma is a secondary cancer to breast cancer (who knew?). I will do everything in my power to never have cancer again. Those who know me best, know I love my sun. Times are a changing! Time for more sunscreen and less suntanning. It just isn't worth it. I did it! I kicked chemo (and cancer's butt) eight times...

Dance in the shower...

The first shower I was able to take after my last chemo treatment and having my PICC line taken out was AMAZING! Something as simple as being able to shower without having to wrap my arm in plastic wrap brings me great joy! When my bones are aching the hot shower water eases some of the pain, or at least makes it feel bearable.  My first shower without that PICC line was wonderful. I definitely wasted more water than necessary just standing there enjoying the shower. It was so worth it! My water bill might go up this month as I get to enjoy the simplicity of a nice hot shower again...

Ringing that chemo bell...

CHEMOTHERAPY IS COMPLETED! I am elated! No more appointments, no more blood work, no more poison in my body. My PICC line was pulled out at the end of the chemo treatment and again, I am so happy! I could never quite get comfortable with the PICC line. The dressing for the PICC line was bulky and cumbersome and terribly inconvenient! It feels like a giant weight has been lifted from my chest (probably the giant tumor I had in my chest!). I am free to recover and be as healthy as I can moving forward after this weekend. When I feel crummy and in pain I like to have pizza and McDonald's (perhaps a cheeseburger happy meal - and for those that know me really well - extra pickles, extra onions).  These are two of my guilty food pleasures! I have two others but that's enough for now :-)  I am going to focus on recreating more positive energy and thoughts. I can't wait to not have a health care worker come to our house once a week to change the dressing on my and around my PICC line and to give me injections. I feel like I can go back to being as normal as I can. I was so excited when my chemo treatment finished and they pulled that chemo PICC line out (which you can't feel at all). It was time to ring the chemo bell! And ring that damn bell I did! I was so happy that my Mom, my Mother-in-law, and my amazing friend (and the fantastic photographer) could be there to wrap up my treatment. It meant the world to me. My dear husband would have been standing by my side but he was away at a work conference. When you ring the bell the nurses all clap and some of the chemo patients join in. It's pretty cool! I felt bad for any people that were sleeping or those poor people that were starting off their chemo journey or just having their treatment because I didn't care! I wanted to ring that bell (I kinda almost wanted to break that damn bell) and go out with a bang! And so I did...

    

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

One day and counting...

I met with my oncologist today. Everything is ready to go. I guess I should say I am ready to go! My last one, finally. I remember thinking about this day, long ago in December. Everyone said the time would pass quickly. This day would be here before I knew it. Wrong! I have to be honest, it has gone fairly slowly. The weeks that I have chemo drag on and on. I am basically housebound for four to five days. The weeks that I don't have chemo go a little quicker but by the time the weekend before chemo rolls around, I already start to think about it.  The quick weeks really don't balance out the weeks that move at a snails pace. Needless to say, by Saturday or Sunday, not only will I be one tough chick, I will be one happy chick as well...

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

I can't wait for tomorrow! I get to go for my last blood work. I have my last conversation with my oncologist. I just know that I am healthy and ready to go for my last round of chemo. Bring it on! I have been counting down these days since, well since December 16th, 2014, when I had my first chemo treatment. Two more days! The time has finally come...

One week to go...

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I am so close to the finish now! 7 more days and this first part of my journey is over.  I know, I know, I still have to recover from the last chemo but I do have some good news! I will be getting my PICC line removed immediately following my last chemo treatment! I am so happy! It feels so intrusive to me. I won't be able to get the area wet for 48 hours afterwards and will have to treat the area tenderly for a few more days but YAY! I am just as excited for the PICC line to be removed as I am for chemo to be completed! There's a little good luck on my side...

Round 7: Lisa 7 Chemo 0

It is March 15th and I'm almost finished. This round was very painful and I anticipate the next round to be more of the same, if not a little worse. This pain seemed to be a little more intense and it lasted a little longer but honestly, I feel great now. Some minor twinges of pain but they are nothing. I have nine days to go until my last treatment and I can't wait. I'd do it tomorrow if I could just so I could be done. I wish! If nothing else, I have truly discovered how strong a person I am - who knew!? I always thought of myself as a strong person, a tough person, but I even surprised myself. Don't get me wrong, there were times that I wanted to cry and walk away from the chemo altogether but all I had to do was think of my beautiful boy, my fantastic husband and my amazing family and I would laugh at myself. Like I could ever walk away and give all that up! Are you crazy? Chemo may have done a number on my body but it is me who is kicking its' ass...

Ten more days until my happy dance...

Ten more days! I can count it down on my fingers now. I can't wait! I say this as I still feel the effects of my last chemo treatment. I still feel the pain and aches in my bones and in my head. The pain is just barely tolerable without pain medication and I'm not sure it will stay this way all day. I hope to avoid any more medication but you never know. Every once in a while it is overwhelming and can bring me to my knees. I can feel the pain in more places than I did with the fifth treatment when it was more concentrated to my knees, hips, lower back and head. Today I can feel it in all those places but it is more intense and I can also feel the pain in my hands, fingers, wrists and ankles and jaw. Regardless, I am on the upswing now. I am starting to gain some of my energy back today. I am looking forward to feeling better each day. I am thankful that this upcoming week is a good week for me as my son is off of school for his March Break and I will be able to do things with him and go out into the world again. When I think of it that way, I've already started my happy dance...

And then there was one...

I had my second to last chemo treatment today. It was long but not bad. It probably helped knowing that I only had one more to go and that I was feeling good. The nurses gave me something to combat my anxiety and to help me with my reaction to the Benedryl prior to beginning treatment. I had a small/mild reaction to the Benedryl that lasted for maybe five minutes but nothing like the last two times. Then, off to sleep I went. I managed to sleep for just about the full four hours.  It was beautiful. The nurses only woke me up when they needed to take my blood pressure or heart rate. The four hours flew by. I didn't feel sick and I had no anxiety. This will definitely be the way we handle me LAST treatment! I was a bit out of it, feeling groggy when my mom and I left the hospital. Since then, I have recovered and have bounced back nicely. I feel good now, although tired. I'm sure I will wake up feeling decent tomorrow, until I get my injection later in the afternoon.  Three to five hours later all the aches and pains will begin for the next four to five days. That's okay. Keep my eye on the prize. Only one more chemotherapy treatment to go...

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have...

A picture says a thousand words...maybe more...

One of the most wonderful and talented people I know photographed me in one of my most vulnerable states - with absolutely no hair. That's right, completely bald. It was actually my husbands idea initially to take photos of both of us with shaved heads (we asked my son but he didn't want to shave his head - who can blame him!). I quickly agreed to this idea. I love having photos of everything and I am always taking pictures. In the end, I wanted to do this because although this has been one of, if not the most difficult time in my life, it has still been a precious moment in my life.  I am a person that likes to be able to remember every moment of my life, both good and bad.  Down the road, we always talk about these moment and reflect back on them. I wanted to be able to reflect back and take as much good from it as possible. Some good that has come from all of this is that I have been able to spend copious amounts of time with my family.  I am home when my son gets home from school. I spend more time with my husband in the evening instead of planning a lesson (or three) or marking. I am able to focus my time and energy not only on getting better, but also on my precious family. I no longer need to work late or bring work home.  It has also allowed me to remember and reconnect and appreciate my friendships - many I've had for years and some more recent ones. This photographer who is so gifted and artistic has agreed to photograph my journey through all of it's ups and downs - hopefully more ups than downs. The photographer had a brilliant and clever way of capturing me at the perfect moment in time filled with raw emotion. I can never thank her enough for doing this for me. Words will never express my most sincere thanks. Included here are only a tiny snippet of the photos we took one afternoon. It was my absolute pleasure to have worked with you...

 

    

My dear photographer has a small selection of the photos on her blog if you would like to see a grouping. She captures the perfect moment and photos in a ways people only dream of. She certainly did when she photographed me...

http://www.christinecousinsphotography.com
https://www.facebook.com/christinecousinsphotography

So much information...

Derek and I went to my pre-op appointment with the surgeon. Information overload!!! Let's start with the fact that my surgeon is really good at what she does. I've read a lot about her and it's all awesome (except for the fact that everyone says she lacks bedside manner). She uses a lot of 'doctor' terminology that can be difficult to understand at times so we kept asking her to explain what she would mean or to explain something more clearly. What we found out is that although I will ultimately be having both breasts removed, she will only be removing the one with cancer initially. With the chemotherapy working so well, it has basically eradicated the cancer from one of my lymph nodes (good news). The bad part of that is now she will need to take all of the lymph nodes because there is no way of determining which one had the cancer and if the cancer had spread to any other lymph nodes.  That scares me and worries me a little because there is the possibility of developing lymphedema. I will have to adjust things that I do in my life moving forward and will need to be hyper-aware of my body. I shouldn't do any heavy lifting with my right side and will have to do physiotherapy regularly to keep fluid moving properly through my body. I will need to learn how to massage my arm and recognize when my arm in swelling. It's something I will have to learn to cope and deal with. My potential surgery date is April 15th, but we will have to wait for confirmation from the surgeon's office. After surgery I will still need radiation which is why they will not do immediate breast reconstruction. Reconstruction will happen further down the road when radiation is completed. We will meet with our radiologist at the end of May to determine how much radiation I will need.  Initially we were told five to six week of radiation every day (not on weekends) but there is a chance we may need a little less.  We will have to wait until we meet with that doctor to know for sure. Regardless, only 15 days until my last treatment...

I want this darn thing out...

As excited as I am for my last chemo treatment (18 days!), I also can't wait to get this darn PICC line out of my arm. I don't sleep the same, I can't cuddle up with a blanket the same and it is so uncomfortable. Clothing doesn't fit the same and short sleeves and tank tops look ridiculous because you can see the obtrusive thing. Not only is there a tube/wire coming from my arm, it is wrapped with gauze. Then the nurses have a white and clear plaster (about four inches by three inches in size) over top of the tube/wire and my arm to help keep it in place and avoid unfortunate mishaps (my son or dog accidentally yanking on it). To top it all off, I have a white mesh cover or sock piece over top of everything that surrounds my arm. It makes any clothing with tighter sleeves very uncomfortable and tops that show any arm not an option.  I also need to have it changed and cleaned once a week so I have to be available every Wednesday so a home-care nurse can come in and change and clean it. My home-care nurse came to the house yesterday to change the dressing and clean the skin where the tube/wire comes out of my arm. I mentioned to her that I was just as excited for the chemo to end as I am for the PICC line to come out. Do you know what she said? She told me that they may not take it out in case they decide to to do more chemo treatments! What?!?!?! I am so happy I have an appointment with my surgeon and my oncologist tomorrow because I know what the first question out of my mouth will be! This darn thing better be coming out! And what is this idea that I might need more chemo? No one has ever mentioned this to me before. Am I just whining and complaining now? I don't think so. I want my PICC line out...

Round 6: Lisa 6 Chemo 0

I am so close to the end now. Soooooo close. I can feel it. I can almost touch it. I have made it through my sixth round of chemotherapy and I KNOW that I can make it through two more. They will be painful but I can do it. As with chemo when I felt sick, this chemo pain lasted just the little bit longer.  No matter, I feel good again after my latest round and I will fight through this upcoming round and win...

Counting my fingers and toes...

20 days until my last chemo treatment! I can't wait. I can actually count on my fingers and toes how many days until my last treatment! That feels so good! There is an end in sight. March 24th can't come soon enough. I know, it's my last treatment date. I'll still feel really crappy for another week or so beyond my last chemo treatment, but I am looking forward to this milestone. In reality, I will feel better in about 27 days - without most of the aches and pains. I go this Friday to meet with my surgeon to discuss the bilateral mastectomy plan and dates. The finish line for my chemotherapy milestone is in sight...
 

Waking up to another good day...

Until I get my injection later today.  That always sucks. After the injection, I usually get a little nauseous and the muscle aches kick in about 3-4 hours later. Later on today, perhaps tonight or tomorrow morning, I will also get the bone and joint pains. Having said that, I would rather deal with the pain then have the constant nausea. I can count the days down until I know the pain will go away. It should be gone more or less by Sunday night or Monday. The pain killers help too! Looking forward to a good day...

A reminder that I can conquer anything...

I had wanted a tattoo since I was 18 but never got one. I always wanted it to be meaningful but I never quite knew what I wanted that remain meaningful for life.  Now just might be the time. I have found a few images that I like but ones that I an certainly not committed to. Initially I thought I would only want one tattoo but I like the one under the breast (except I would probably have it read 'I am the toughest chick I know'), the one on the back of the neck (maybe a little smaller though and a bit higher up), and the one on the wrist (except written more like the one that says survivor on the shoulder). I like the idea of having 'fighter' on one wrist and the then 'survivor' once everything is said and done. I love the idea of always being reminded that I can (and will in this case) conquer anything...

    

              

            

                                                  

                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                                                                           

  

The end is near...

Today was interesting. I went for my chemo treatment that takes forever! Again, the first thing the nurses gave me was Benedryl. I could not stop fidgeting, moving and squirming.  I was so frustrated because I just wanted to lie down. I caved. I asked the nurse for an Ativan. That really helped and I was off to lala land, quickly. It definitely helped to pass the four and a half hour treatment and I didn't feel nearly as nauseous.  I was still tired when I got home and kept nodding off to sleep. Things were happening around me that I wasn't registering. At one point I woke up and told Derek that when he and Riley went to hockey practice I was going to go get a cheeseburger Happy Meal from McDonald's. He did everything in his power to sway me from driving - call your parents.  I just fell back asleep and forgot all about it! I must have slept again for another hour. Derek called me at the end of practice. I was starving! We went to grab some munchies. I felt really well today after my treatment, aside from being tired. Not sure about how much sleep I will get tonight but I feel good. I suspect I will feel good until about three hours after my injection tomorrow when all my muscles will ache and then shortly after that when all my joints and bones will hurt. I'll take it!...

The day before...

Tomorrow, I am on my sixth chemo treatment. I can't wait. I seriously can't wait. I have 28 days until my last chemo treatment, about 35 until I feel good again. Not too long and I will be able to count down the days on my fingers and toes! My oncologist measured my tumor today and it has shrunk to about 4cm now! We did talk about what stage my cancer was at the beginning and she did tell me that I am/was a stage 3A. They will again measure the tumor when I have my mastectomy and give it a stage but the initial stage will always trump any other stage given. I am in a very positive frame of mind, more so than I felt two weeks ago. Two weeks ago I still felt that I had a long road to travel until I arrived at the end of chemo. Today, I can feel how much shorter my journey. I am not looking forward to feeling the pain for another five to six days but I know that after that pain has subsided, I will only have two treatments left. A small price to pay...

I will survive...

I passed the halfway point and I feel like I can finally see the end in sight. It helps that for the first time in five weeks, I feel good. No more aches and pains from the chemo. No more strep throat. No more bronchitis and colds.  I am a little stuffy (that is actually from the chemo as my mucus glands don't work quite as well) but I feel good.  There are 34 days left until my last chemo treatment and 41 days until I feel good after my last treatment. I cannot tell you how long that feels still and yet, I can see the end in sight. Many people say to me 'Not much longer'. Trust me, going though it, it still feels so far away. I do finally feel though that we have passed the halfway mark and that the end is reachable. When this whole process began, March 24th felt like an eternity. It felt like it may never come. January and February typically feel like slow-passing months for me but never like this January and February. I have three more treatments - February 24th, March 10th and March 24th. I can do it. I feel like I can do it. I was so scared for the fifth treatment. I didn't know what to expect. I was emotionally and physically drained after being sick for four weeks and then going into this treatment being told I would feel much more pain and that I was going to lose any other hair I had left including my eyebrows and eyelashes. I am not as afraid going into my sixth treatment next week. I know what to expect including spending over four hours at chemotherapy and how much pain I will be in and for how long. I can do it. I will do it. I know what the pain feels like and I can do it. I've tried to explain what the pain feels lay down but it is hard. I've never experienced this type of pain. It is intense. If I could try and explain the pain, it would be as though someone is drilling into my bones and then squeezing them. Even that doesn't really explain the pain well, but it is a start. I felt aches in many places but the severe pain was in my knees, hips and lower back. No matter, three more times. I can do it. I will do it. I am a survivor...

My little Valentine...

My little guy made me a charm bracelet for Valentine's Day. He was so excited to give it to me. It's beautiful. He added white, pink and red beads and hearts to a bracelet while he was at my Mom and Dad's place. I was told that my little guy worked so hard and diligently at it. He was so proud! When he gave me my Valentine's present, he was beaming from ear to ear. He has the cutest little mischievous grin and he was shining it right at me. When I opened my beautiful bracelet up, he told me that he loved me and that this bracelet was for me to have a chemo and while he had sleepovers at my parents place so that I wouldn't forget him and how much he loves me. Like I could ever...

Round 5: Lisa 5 Chemo 0

This chemo treatment has been different from all previous treatments.  It took over four hours for the treatment. I didn't feel nearly as sick (maybe a day of nausea) but the pain. Oh the pain. After my injection, I got the usual aches and pains (the ones that feel like I have the flu). I also got crazy pains in my joints, especially in my knees, hips and lower back. It's weird because you can't really pinpoint exactly where the pain is (aside from the general area). Pain medicine really only takes the edge off the pain. It doesn't take the pain away. It's a bit better today but it is still so uncomfortable. Hopefully the aches and pains go away before my next treatment. I really can't get comfortable...

Fifth one down...

I had my fifth treatment of eight today. It was tough. We were there for over four hours, closer to five. I had to have four different bags of fluids (the medicine) injected into me. They started with Benedryl to make sure I don't have a reaction to the chemo drug. I did have a reaction to the Benedryl however. I couldn't keep still. I was so twitchy and my poor bald head was very itchy. Restless leg kicked in. This went on for about 20 minutes. Brutal when you are uncomfortable and all you want to do is sleep because you are so drowsy. They followed the Benedryl with a steroid. After the steroid, I was given anther drug (I don't even remember what it was now because I was so out of it.) I finally got my chemo drug. It took three hours to get that into my body. They regularly had to come and check my vital signs to make sure I was handling the drug okay.  I slept for most of the three hours. When it was time to go home, I was so weak. A nurse saw me walking down the hall and made me sit and wait for Derek to get the car. She was so worried I was going to faint. I got home and went straight to bed. I slept for another three hours. When I got up, I felt pretty good. I no longer felt nauseous. I went to bed a little later than usual (I did have a lot of sleep in the afternoon)! I still felt none of the promised aches and pains. I am sure they are still coming but for now, I am happy! I will definitely have aches and pains tomorrow, one way or another as I will get my blood cell booster injection. That always guarantees at least two days of pain. Yippee. On the bright side, fifth one down, only three to go...

'Halfway there, livin' on a prayer'...

Tomorrow is my halfway point of chemotherapy and I can't wait...to be done! These last two weeks were hard. I developed bronchitis just after I recovered from the chemo.  It made me weak and tired. We went to the doctor's this morning and my blood counts are normal and I am good to go for my fifth round of chemo. The doctor didn't measure my tumor this week but was confident that it would have continued to shrink. With this next round of chemo bring a new drug. I shouldn't be quite so nauseous but I will probably feel more pain in my muscles and joints. In fact, I now have prescribed pain medication. Looking forward to that - not! I am hoping that with this round, I will remain virus-free and recover so I can enjoy the better part of the second week before going back in for my next round. Halfway there...

World Cancer Day 2015

February 4th, 2015 (today), is World Cancer Day. As one of my dear friends put it best, too bad it wasn't World No More Cancer Day. I have included a couple links on my blog today that are very useful and helpful. They are completely worth reading into and checking out.

www.herhistory.ca 
This site talks about the HER breast cancer gene. The report is very well laid out and extremely well written. It is written in user-friendly language that truly helps you to understand breast cancer and the risks, therapies, genetics and the future of breast cancer.

www.mycanceriq.ca
On this site, you can actually do a quiz to see what your chances of developing breast cancer, cervical cancer, lung cancer and colon cancer are. At the end you will be given a report based on your answers.

It's been a challenge...

This round has been a struggle.  It took me longer than it has previously to recover. Then I developed quite a cold (I am still fighting it). I still don't feel 100%. I can't believe how fatigued I feel and how weak I am. I have lost four pounds in a week - typically this would make me happy but I have tried to maintain my weight throughout this process as I need all the strength and energy I can muster. I felt like I was robbed of my weekend with my family. I was colouring with my son and I became exhausted. I actually had to lie down for half an hour - from colouring! Throughout the weekend I had moments where I still felt queasy and I needed to take a nap, albeit a short one. Usually we host a Super Bowl party and we had to differ it to another friend this year. That sucks. I hate how this cancer is robbing me of moments in my life. There are many days when I am too tired to get my son ready for bed. I can rarely take our dog for a walk because it is so cold and it takes so long for me to warm up or because it is too tiring for me to walk around the block. I dislike that I can't go in to school to see my class as I am afraid to pick some sickness up. I was angry on Sunday. I get that it takes 96 hours to five days to feel better from the chemo but it is taking at least five to six days now to start getting better. It is frustrating because I want to spend time with my family. I want to go out and do things. I want to be active. I am not looking forward to going for my next treatment...

Round 4: Lisa 4 Chemo 0

I'm not going to lie to you. This round of chemo was rough.  I felt so nauseous for so long. I was taking the strongest anti-sick prescriptions that the doctor prescribed to me and it was just working enough. Speaking made me feel ill, smells were horrible, moving was nauseating. On top of that, the pain in my muscles and joints was just bearable. I typically start to feel better sometime Thursday evening but I have also noticed that each treatment takes just a little longer to feel better. So here it is, Friday morning and I am still so weak. I still feel a some queasiness and my muscles in my chest and neck are still a bit achy. I can feel that I have turned the corner and I am on my way to feeling better but this treatment was tough. Then again, I am one tough chick...

Some more good news...

We met with my oncologist today for my pre-chemo appointment. She measured my tumor. Good news! It has continued to shrink and become softer. It is now about 4.5cm in size! The chemo is working and doing its job!!! Tomorrow is my fourth chemo treatment and the last of this particular drug before I begin the last four treatments with another drug. The new drug I will be taking shouldn't be quite as nauseating but will make my muscles and joints more sore. I am so happy with the outcome of the first three weeks of chemotherapy. I hope the good news continues...

Just call me Angelina 'Lisa' Jolie...

Well, well, well. I got my results back today from my genetic testing and I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene.  Huh. I need to buy a lottery ticket. Odds were 1 in 400! The BRCA1 gene and genetic testing was made famous by Angelina Jolie. For me now, at least I have a reason that I ended up with breast cancer and at such a young age. This confirms that I will have a bilateral (double) mastectomy (this is at the strong suggestion of the surgeon and the geneticist). I have also come to learn that the results have another implication for me. It is highly recommended and suggested that I have my ovaries removed as well. Because of the BRCA1 gene, I am at a much higher risk of getting ovarian cancer. Dang. It's a good thing that we were not wanting anymore children! As far as my family goes, testing needs to be done on my mother, father and brother.  We also need to let uncles know of the results as they will also need to get tested for the genetic mutation. Some good news in all this is that the BRCA2 gene poses more problems for males - it greatly increases their risk of prostate cancer, more so than the BRCA1 gene. For me, that's better news for my son. Still scares the hell out of me though. There is a 50% chance that I have passed this genetic mutation on to my son...

Look good, feel better...

Today I went to Hearth Place. I enrolled in a seminar called 'Look Good, Feel Better'. For starters, what a great place. It is a renovated home in downtown Oshawa dedicated to people and families with cancer. It is run by volunteers and a number of the volunteers are cancer survivors themselves. The 'Look Good, Feel Better' program is there to help cancer patients feel a bit better about themselves by looking better. You get a large box of product (make-up from MAC, skin creams from Clinique, sunscreens, toners, creams, serums, you name it) and they teach you how to use it all (for those that may not know how).  They also teach you how to fake it - drawing in eyebrows that look more natural for when mine eventually fall out.  All of this is completely free! I was really impressed with the product and the number of volunteers there to help out. Something that I did find out is that once I am finished my chemo treatments, I will start to grow some peach fuzz about three weeks after my last chemo treatment and my hair will start to grow about a month after my last treatment! Yay! I can't wait! Talk about look good, feel better...

Round 3: Lisa 3 Chemo 0

I have survived another round of chemotherapy with only a tiny hiccup along the way. I didn't feel the best on Thursday and my glands in my throat felt so swollen. Turns out, I didn't feel the same kind of sick because I wasn't the same kind of sick. I'm proud of myself for not ignoring how my body felt. I knew it was different and went to the doctor's. It was strep throat. I am pleased to say that I feel so much better than I did yesterday and that I am on the mend, both from the chemo and from the strep throat. I am no longer contagious today as I have had the antibiotics in me and my system for over 24 hours now.  I will spend the next week getting stronger before my next round of chemo.  Only five more rounds of chemotherapy to go...

You've gotta be kidding me...

I have survived my third round of chemo. I woke up today just not feeling well though. I went to the doctor's. It turns out, I have strep throat. I get this quite frequently, so although I am not totally surprised, I am surprised! I have done whatever I can to stay healthy and this bacteria still found me. Could come from living with a six-year old. I had to double check with the pharmacy, and the hospital, and my doctor to make sure that it was okay to take the prescribed medicine. I am able to because I have finished my pre-chemo meds, and the post-chemo meds and the chemo should have flushed through my system by now, or at least be on the way out.  Good news is that I won't be contagious in 24 hours...

24 hours later...

I've come to find out that it isn't the chemo drug that does a number on me. The chemo drug makes you feel tired and a bit sick to your stomach. It's the injection that the home care nurse gives you 24 hours after chemotherapy that makes me feel horrible. I already feel tired and a little sick. The injection magnifies this and then adds to it by making me feel so achy and bruised.  Really looking forward to that today. The home care nurse should be here in a couple hours to give me a tiny injection into my stomach. The actual injection doesn't hurt a lot but the serum burns the entire time it enters your body. Looking forward to that! Also looking forward to feeling horrible from it for the next 48 hours before I start to feel better. I'm off to get my box set of Friends DVDs ready to play in bed...

In for another round...

Derek and I went to the hospital yesterday and had my blood drawn and my weight checked. They check your weight each time so that they know how much chemo drug to give you. Initially they check your height as well (they do this twice, kind of like a double check) because they also need to know your body surface area. Each time I go to get a chemo treatment, they weigh me. The amount of chemo drug will change each time depending on a weight/height calculation. They have it right down to a change of one millilitre. Even losing half a pound makes a difference as to how much drug is administered. My oncologist did not measure the tumor this time but did ask me if I felt it was softer. I think it is but maybe that is me being hopeful. Regardless, it was a quick check-in appointment with her. Today, I went to chemo with my Mom. It was nice and different going with a fresh set of eyes. Derek and I (and I hate to say this) are already old hat at the process. It was all new for my Mom. It was really nice to have her there. The treatment went as well as can be expected, and now that I am back home, I am ready to tuck into bed for the next two or three days...

Mind and energy...

Today I had a Reiki treatment done on me. I had never experienced this before today. I wasn't even sure what it was prior to today (or the last couple days when I looked it up so I would have a basic idea of what it was). I was encouraged to try this by a friend of mine and in fact, she treated me to my first treatment (thank you). I thought, really what can I lose. I am seeking positive energy and thoughts as I travel my journey, so what better. Reiki is all about energy and getting energy flowing in your body. Essentially, Reiki uses a hands-healing technique that uses our energy to heal and balance the subtle energies within our bodies. Reiki addresses physical, emotional, mental and spiritual imbalances. I talked with the practitioner prior to treatment so she had an idea where I was in my breast cancer treatment and how I was feeling. Then the treatment began. I lay face-up on a table (like you would for a massage, although I was fully clothed, unlike when one goes for a massage).  The conduit (the practitioner) ran a pendulum over and above my body prior to beginning any treatment. Then she used a Reiki drum and gently drummed over my entire body (without ever touching me). The cool thing was, I could feel all the vibrations flowing in my body. The purpose of this is to allow the energy to flow deeper within. Quiet, spa-like music filled the room and my treatment began. Initially, the conduit placed her hands on my shoulders and under my head but for the majority of the treatment her hands would only hover over my body. I could feel the heat of the conduit travel into my over body. I really began to relax and soak it all in...and as quick as that, it was over. Well, not really, but it felt like it. She continued the treatment for about half an hour but I suppose I relaxed so much that I may have dozed off a little bit. At one point I felt like my dog Tucker, had come to sleep with me and was laying across my shins. I think it was when the practitioner was grounding my body (her hands were on the bottom of my legs and feet) - energy flows in through our heads and out through our feet. I felt wonderful. I felt relaxed and rested. She asked me if I'd like to draw an Angel card from a stack of tiny cards she had in a box. I did and drew the 'Freedom' card. Huh. It's something that can be interpreted however you want. Freedom could mean so much to me. Ultimately, I think for me, it is the freedom of having cancer in my body, but that is something long-term. For now, maybe it is freeing my body of some negativity, stress and clutter. I will work on detoxing my body of negativity and inviting positive energy into my body and mind...

All in the genes...

On January 8th, Derek and I went to Sunnybrook again. We went to have a genetic test done to determine if I have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene (Breast Cancer 1 or Breast Cancer 2 gene), or more, a mutation to either gene.  I was immediately a candidate for this testing because my mother had had breast cancer and because of my age when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The cool thing with going through Sunnybrook instead of Lakeridge is that we will have the results back in ten working days and they will also do a second test run through a second hospital. Typically, when genetic testing is done the results take two to three months. The results will be compared for accuracy. Once we met with the genetic counsellor, we found out that there are certain cancers that have some relation to each other - pancreatic, breast, ovarian, prostate and skin cancer. Our responses became more interesting to the geneticist because he discovered that my mother's grandfather had cancer, her father had pancreatic cancer, she had breast cancer and now I have breast cancer.  That makes four generations of cancer that is all related to each other. When you are born, you are born with two sets of genes, one from your mother's side and one from your father's side. When you have children, you pass on one set of those genes (50% chance of it being either your mother's or your father's genes - no rhyme or reason). Having said all this, and with having had four generations of related cancers, there is still only a 1 in 400 chance that I may have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene. This also means that if I have the gene mutation, I have a 50% chance of passing the gene on to my son. There are a lot of family implications involved. If the test comes back positive, my mother will then also be tested because other areas of our family will need to know for their own health. It's all in the genes. Now we wait...

More people join my club...

Two months ago, breast cancer was something I didn't know much about. I wasn't even quite sure how cancer came about. Since being diagnosed with breast cancer, I have had three people contact me to let me know that my blog has been helpful to them and that they too have now been diagnosed with breast cancer.  These are people that I actually know, not people that have contacted me via my blog. My whole life, I have only known four people with breast cancer and the number has now doubled in a month. That scares the crap out of me. I sincerely hope that in some way my blog can help them or that I can be a sounding board and a support for them. I am not looking to have any one else join this club...

Round 2: Lisa 2 Chemo 0

I have survived and conquered another round of chemotherapy. This round took just that little bit longer to recover from.  After my first round, the side-effects didn't really hit until 24 hours later. This time, they hit after five hours. By late Friday afternoon, some 72 hours after chemo, I already felt better after the first round. This time, it was closer to 96 hours later.  I also feel more tired more frequently this time.  Nevertheless, I have conquered chemotherapy a second time...

The power of words and love...

We have had so many people express their love and support to us over the past month. Speaking as someone who needs that love and support, you truly have no idea how much it means and how powerful your words are to us. Each and every time I go to the hospital to meet with the doctors, I must complete a survey asking me a number of questions including how depressed and anxious I am, on a scale of 1-10. I have been able to honestly answer each time that I am not depressed or anxious. I've had a few weeks to ponder this.  Why am I not depressed?  This is one of, if not the worst thing I have ever been through in my life and yet, I'm not depressed. I'm not even sad. Huh. I began to recognize that every time I received a card, a text, an email, anything, it was from someone that cared about me.  Each and every one brings a smile to my face. I swear, each and every time I read one of these texts, emails or cards I smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I may not be able to respond to your text or email right away (I feel quite sick and very tired for a number of days at a time) but I read each one and look forward to receiving them. Without fail, I smile. To each and every person that reads my blog, comments on my blog, checks in with me through texts and emails or simply sends me a heartfelt card, you are the reason I feel so great. It's your words and love that are getting me through this. Words and love are very powerful...