On a positive note...

We met with my surgeon today to discuss my pathology report (yes, we had already spoken with my oncologist but we wanted to hear what my surgeon had to say). We were supposed to meet with her this Friday, but they called and asked if I could come in today. My nerves were already a little wacky but we took the appointment because it was better than waiting until Friday to hear from my surgeon. Although my surgeon was telling us some of the same things as my oncologist (pretty much all the same things), she had a way of discussing with us that wasn't quite a life and death as my oncologist and had us leaving the appointment feeling so much more positive.  Yes, the size of the tumor in the breast was the same and yes, four lymph nodes were still affected. The difference was that when the pathology report was first done, only two lymph nodes were discovered. The second two had microscopic cancer cells in them. All the lymph nodes that had cancer had the cancer limited directly to the lymph nodes. No signs of any spreading were shown. I wish my oncologist could have explained thing to me this way instead of in statistics that were very scary. Fine, I know that  the stats are there and that they are real stats that have meaning to them. It was so hard to feel positive about the report though. My surgeon made us feel so much better. She told us that she got every bit of cancer in my breast and that the margins were really good (the space between the tumor and the extra breast tissue that she took). She also took all the lymph nodes and was happy that they hadn't spread outside the lymph nodes. We were a little concerned that the cancer cells may have spread but she assured us that they would have been microscopic and killed by the chemotherapy treatments. We left this appointment feeling much more positive...

Make sure you have a bucket list...

Stick with it. If one hasn't been created, make one. Life could be too short. You never know. There are so many things to do in our beautiful world. You have to get out there and do some of it. Unfortunately, it often takes something like what I am going through to really put things into perspective. When my husband and I married, we swore we were going to go on a vacation at least once a year. We started off that way, but then we had a child, we got very busy and well, you know how the story goes. Unfortunately, it took being diagnosed with breast cancer to realize that we weren't really living as much as we should be. Since then, we have created a bucket list and are working to make as much of it happen as possible.  Vacations are just the beginning. Like I said, life is way too short...

Hoping for better news...

It has been longer than I would have liked for me to write this post. I needed a few days to digest everything I have now learned. Something to note, I'm still keeping my chin up! On Thursday May 21st, I went to see my medical oncologist for a follow-up appointment post-surgery. She had just received my pathology report in the previous hour. She came in to explain what the findings were. Let me start by saying, my husband and I really didn't know what the appointment was all about, why we were going to see her. We quickly found out and it was a little shocking. What my husband and I didn't really know was that the triple-negative breast cancer that I was diagnosed with, is one of if not the worst and most aggressive form of breast cancer. We found this out at our appointment. We knew my cancer was aggressive but didn't understand or realize how aggressive it was. The oncologist then proceeded to tell us that I have a 50% chance of the cancer coming back and that it usually happens within the first two to three years after treatment and surgery. Typically the cancer will metastasise in the the liver, lungs, brain, bones and/or spine. Whoa! That was a lot to take in. The surgeon took out the large tumor in the breast and twenty lymph nodes. Four of the lymph nodes tested positive for cancer. Because of this, my cancer is categorized as T2N2. If they would have found cancer in three or less lymph nodes, it would have been labelled as T2N1. Needless to say, this wasn't the news we were hoping for. On the bright side, only four of the twenty nodes were affected...

Back to the hospital...

Urg! Appointments at the hospital are beginning again. In the next week, I will be meeting with my oncologist, my radiology oncologist, and my surgeon. I am hoping that my surgeon will have my pathology reports back to confirm that the cancer cells were dead when she took the tumor out due to the chemotherapy and that I have good margins (I think this is the space between my tumor and healthy cells - again, I think that bigger is better but I will find out in a week). I know why I am going to see the radiology oncologist - I will be commencing radiation in the next couple weeks. I have no idea why I have an appointment with my oncologist. I assume it's just a follow-up post-chemo and post-surgery. So much to find out in the next week. Of course, all of these appointments are on different days...

On the mend...

All my drains are out and I am healing nicely. I have finely been able to bring myself to look closely at the incision site and where the drains were. Unfortunately, it looks like I will have two scars where the drains were as there are now pits in my skin. The incision site has a nice, straight cut that I still have steri-strips on, more for my own peace of mind. Most of the pain is gone now (yay!) except right in the middle of my chest where my minimal cleavage used to be, and the tricep area. There are some lingering sharp pins and needles in that area. Again, I am hopeful that with time, the pins and needles will subside. I still have a recovery road ahead of me as I can still only lift my arm to my shoulder height and cannot really reach forward, down, or up if I need to get anything. I am also not able to lift anything with any weight to them with my right arm. I am hopeful that my physiotherapy will start next week...

One more day...

Finally! Tomorrow is the day that the last drain will be pulled out! For a long time there appeared to be no end in sight and then finally yesterday, the last drain started to dry up.  I am feeling really great at this point. Most of the pain (aside from the drain discomfort is gone). That said, I still have a long way to go. I still need to work on my arms mobility. I can raise my arm to shoulder height (no higher) and can move it around a little more. I can't move it at odd angles (putting some clothing on is still very difficult) and I cannot lift much yet as it causes strain in many areas including my chest, underarm and my side. These areas are still experiencing a lot of discomfort. In fact, the tricep area of my arm is still very painful. Any time anything touches it, or when I breeze blows and I get goose bumps, it is very painful. It feels like little needles going into my skin. We are hoping this feeling will go away with time but there is no guarantee. The pain may lessen but always be there.  There is a chance that the pain will go away with time and my fingers are crossed for this option. Under my arm is still very numb and I am hoping that I get some feeling back there as well. We will cross one bridge at a time though. My last drain is coming out tomorrow!

Three down, one to go...

Over the last three days, I had a drain pulled out (wasn't too painful...actually wasn't painful at all), half of my staples one day and the other half the second day. Three things down, one more drain to go. This drain is driving me crazy. It's annoying, irritating and doesn't go with any of my fashion :-) To help maintain the drain, the tubing needs to be 'milked'. You have to hold the tube at the top end, closest to my body and the squeeze and pull at the same time to force the substance through the tube and into the drain. I'm still taking readings each day, multiple times a day, and recording each amount.  Not even close to 30mL yet.  The closest I got was 42mL/24 hours but now the last 24 hour reading was 69mL. My nurse that came this weekend told me that it is still draining because I got all of my lymph nodes out and that is part of the drainage system in our bodies. Because I have no drainage system there, the fluid needs to go somewhere until it settles on the path it will keep in my body. I don't if that is correct or not but it makes sense to me. I wish my body would start to figure things out because tomorrow is thirteen days after surgery. I'm getting tired of waiting...

Stapled together...

It has been ten days now since my mastectomy. That means it is time for my staples to come out! The doctor ordered for them to come out today so when my nurse comes over, out they come. What my nurse told me though is that they usually take half out today and the other half out the next day, particularly when it is a lengthy incision (eight inches and twenty-four staples). I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. I've never had a stitch or staple in my life and the thought makes me a little queasy. I have not looked at the incision therefore I also have not seen the staples. I don't like the idea of feeling each staple being taken out...and then feeling it again tomorrow. I'm going to have to suck it up because it going to happen...