A well-deserved day all about me...

I am sooooo excited! I am going for a well-deserved spa day!  I am going for the works! We are talking manicure and pedicure (couldn't do those during chemo in case of nicks and infections), massage, facial and a lunch. I can't wait! I want to just lay there and have someone pamper me. I love this on a normal day but when chemotherapy did a number on my body. It is incredible to see how it has dried out my skin as much as it has. At one point my hands and feet were peeling. I am sooooo looking forward to someone massaging creams and oils into my hands and feet and for the parafin wax on my heels. My face felt so dry and I had to put face cream on at least a couple times a day. I am going for a hydro facial. It is supposed to be amazing and add a lot of moisture back into my face. I'm sure it will but to be honest, I can't wait to just have someone pamper me. I do have to remind the estetician to not rub or wash my eyes (the lashes) or eyebrows too much - I haven't yet lost either my eyebrows or my eyelashes! Knock on wood!!! There are still another ten days where they may fall out so no tugging! It just goes to show the lasting effects of what the chemo is doing in my body. I also can't wait for the massage. Oh the massage! My muscles and joints and bones have been so achy. I could probably lay on that bed all day and just have the massage. The spa is local and they do a wonderful lunch. I am looking forward to this day all about me more than you could possibly know or understand...

Round 8: Lisa 8 Chemo 0

I did it! I survived! Chemo is done and over with hopefully never to be seen again! It was tough, gruelling, exhausting yet necessary. My doctor's have given me just over four weeks to recover and make myself stronger before I have my mastectomy. I will take this opportunity to get myself outside and to feel human again. I have felt cooped up all winter. Every other week I had to stay home or close to home so I could rest and recover. The rest of the time I hardly wanted to leave our house because it was either so cold out or because I look sickly - like a cancer patient. My eyes are darker and my skin is pale. I can't wait to get some life in me again. The sun will help with the vitamin D. I have to be so careful now as melanoma is a secondary cancer to breast cancer (who knew?). I will do everything in my power to never have cancer again. Those who know me best, know I love my sun. Times are a changing! Time for more sunscreen and less suntanning. It just isn't worth it. I did it! I kicked chemo (and cancer's butt) eight times...

Dance in the shower...

The first shower I was able to take after my last chemo treatment and having my PICC line taken out was AMAZING! Something as simple as being able to shower without having to wrap my arm in plastic wrap brings me great joy! When my bones are aching the hot shower water eases some of the pain, or at least makes it feel bearable.  My first shower without that PICC line was wonderful. I definitely wasted more water than necessary just standing there enjoying the shower. It was so worth it! My water bill might go up this month as I get to enjoy the simplicity of a nice hot shower again...

Ringing that chemo bell...

CHEMOTHERAPY IS COMPLETED! I am elated! No more appointments, no more blood work, no more poison in my body. My PICC line was pulled out at the end of the chemo treatment and again, I am so happy! I could never quite get comfortable with the PICC line. The dressing for the PICC line was bulky and cumbersome and terribly inconvenient! It feels like a giant weight has been lifted from my chest (probably the giant tumor I had in my chest!). I am free to recover and be as healthy as I can moving forward after this weekend. When I feel crummy and in pain I like to have pizza and McDonald's (perhaps a cheeseburger happy meal - and for those that know me really well - extra pickles, extra onions).  These are two of my guilty food pleasures! I have two others but that's enough for now :-)  I am going to focus on recreating more positive energy and thoughts. I can't wait to not have a health care worker come to our house once a week to change the dressing on my and around my PICC line and to give me injections. I feel like I can go back to being as normal as I can. I was so excited when my chemo treatment finished and they pulled that chemo PICC line out (which you can't feel at all). It was time to ring the chemo bell! And ring that damn bell I did! I was so happy that my Mom, my Mother-in-law, and my amazing friend (and the fantastic photographer) could be there to wrap up my treatment. It meant the world to me. My dear husband would have been standing by my side but he was away at a work conference. When you ring the bell the nurses all clap and some of the chemo patients join in. It's pretty cool! I felt bad for any people that were sleeping or those poor people that were starting off their chemo journey or just having their treatment because I didn't care! I wanted to ring that bell (I kinda almost wanted to break that damn bell) and go out with a bang! And so I did...

    

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

One day and counting...

I met with my oncologist today. Everything is ready to go. I guess I should say I am ready to go! My last one, finally. I remember thinking about this day, long ago in December. Everyone said the time would pass quickly. This day would be here before I knew it. Wrong! I have to be honest, it has gone fairly slowly. The weeks that I have chemo drag on and on. I am basically housebound for four to five days. The weeks that I don't have chemo go a little quicker but by the time the weekend before chemo rolls around, I already start to think about it.  The quick weeks really don't balance out the weeks that move at a snails pace. Needless to say, by Saturday or Sunday, not only will I be one tough chick, I will be one happy chick as well...

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

I can't wait for tomorrow! I get to go for my last blood work. I have my last conversation with my oncologist. I just know that I am healthy and ready to go for my last round of chemo. Bring it on! I have been counting down these days since, well since December 16th, 2014, when I had my first chemo treatment. Two more days! The time has finally come...

One week to go...

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I am so close to the finish now! 7 more days and this first part of my journey is over.  I know, I know, I still have to recover from the last chemo but I do have some good news! I will be getting my PICC line removed immediately following my last chemo treatment! I am so happy! It feels so intrusive to me. I won't be able to get the area wet for 48 hours afterwards and will have to treat the area tenderly for a few more days but YAY! I am just as excited for the PICC line to be removed as I am for chemo to be completed! There's a little good luck on my side...

Round 7: Lisa 7 Chemo 0

It is March 15th and I'm almost finished. This round was very painful and I anticipate the next round to be more of the same, if not a little worse. This pain seemed to be a little more intense and it lasted a little longer but honestly, I feel great now. Some minor twinges of pain but they are nothing. I have nine days to go until my last treatment and I can't wait. I'd do it tomorrow if I could just so I could be done. I wish! If nothing else, I have truly discovered how strong a person I am - who knew!? I always thought of myself as a strong person, a tough person, but I even surprised myself. Don't get me wrong, there were times that I wanted to cry and walk away from the chemo altogether but all I had to do was think of my beautiful boy, my fantastic husband and my amazing family and I would laugh at myself. Like I could ever walk away and give all that up! Are you crazy? Chemo may have done a number on my body but it is me who is kicking its' ass...

Ten more days until my happy dance...

Ten more days! I can count it down on my fingers now. I can't wait! I say this as I still feel the effects of my last chemo treatment. I still feel the pain and aches in my bones and in my head. The pain is just barely tolerable without pain medication and I'm not sure it will stay this way all day. I hope to avoid any more medication but you never know. Every once in a while it is overwhelming and can bring me to my knees. I can feel the pain in more places than I did with the fifth treatment when it was more concentrated to my knees, hips, lower back and head. Today I can feel it in all those places but it is more intense and I can also feel the pain in my hands, fingers, wrists and ankles and jaw. Regardless, I am on the upswing now. I am starting to gain some of my energy back today. I am looking forward to feeling better each day. I am thankful that this upcoming week is a good week for me as my son is off of school for his March Break and I will be able to do things with him and go out into the world again. When I think of it that way, I've already started my happy dance...

And then there was one...

I had my second to last chemo treatment today. It was long but not bad. It probably helped knowing that I only had one more to go and that I was feeling good. The nurses gave me something to combat my anxiety and to help me with my reaction to the Benedryl prior to beginning treatment. I had a small/mild reaction to the Benedryl that lasted for maybe five minutes but nothing like the last two times. Then, off to sleep I went. I managed to sleep for just about the full four hours.  It was beautiful. The nurses only woke me up when they needed to take my blood pressure or heart rate. The four hours flew by. I didn't feel sick and I had no anxiety. This will definitely be the way we handle me LAST treatment! I was a bit out of it, feeling groggy when my mom and I left the hospital. Since then, I have recovered and have bounced back nicely. I feel good now, although tired. I'm sure I will wake up feeling decent tomorrow, until I get my injection later in the afternoon.  Three to five hours later all the aches and pains will begin for the next four to five days. That's okay. Keep my eye on the prize. Only one more chemotherapy treatment to go...

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have...

A picture says a thousand words...maybe more...

One of the most wonderful and talented people I know photographed me in one of my most vulnerable states - with absolutely no hair. That's right, completely bald. It was actually my husbands idea initially to take photos of both of us with shaved heads (we asked my son but he didn't want to shave his head - who can blame him!). I quickly agreed to this idea. I love having photos of everything and I am always taking pictures. In the end, I wanted to do this because although this has been one of, if not the most difficult time in my life, it has still been a precious moment in my life.  I am a person that likes to be able to remember every moment of my life, both good and bad.  Down the road, we always talk about these moment and reflect back on them. I wanted to be able to reflect back and take as much good from it as possible. Some good that has come from all of this is that I have been able to spend copious amounts of time with my family.  I am home when my son gets home from school. I spend more time with my husband in the evening instead of planning a lesson (or three) or marking. I am able to focus my time and energy not only on getting better, but also on my precious family. I no longer need to work late or bring work home.  It has also allowed me to remember and reconnect and appreciate my friendships - many I've had for years and some more recent ones. This photographer who is so gifted and artistic has agreed to photograph my journey through all of it's ups and downs - hopefully more ups than downs. The photographer had a brilliant and clever way of capturing me at the perfect moment in time filled with raw emotion. I can never thank her enough for doing this for me. Words will never express my most sincere thanks. Included here are only a tiny snippet of the photos we took one afternoon. It was my absolute pleasure to have worked with you...

 

    

My dear photographer has a small selection of the photos on her blog if you would like to see a grouping. She captures the perfect moment and photos in a ways people only dream of. She certainly did when she photographed me...

http://www.christinecousinsphotography.com
https://www.facebook.com/christinecousinsphotography

So much information...

Derek and I went to my pre-op appointment with the surgeon. Information overload!!! Let's start with the fact that my surgeon is really good at what she does. I've read a lot about her and it's all awesome (except for the fact that everyone says she lacks bedside manner). She uses a lot of 'doctor' terminology that can be difficult to understand at times so we kept asking her to explain what she would mean or to explain something more clearly. What we found out is that although I will ultimately be having both breasts removed, she will only be removing the one with cancer initially. With the chemotherapy working so well, it has basically eradicated the cancer from one of my lymph nodes (good news). The bad part of that is now she will need to take all of the lymph nodes because there is no way of determining which one had the cancer and if the cancer had spread to any other lymph nodes.  That scares me and worries me a little because there is the possibility of developing lymphedema. I will have to adjust things that I do in my life moving forward and will need to be hyper-aware of my body. I shouldn't do any heavy lifting with my right side and will have to do physiotherapy regularly to keep fluid moving properly through my body. I will need to learn how to massage my arm and recognize when my arm in swelling. It's something I will have to learn to cope and deal with. My potential surgery date is April 15th, but we will have to wait for confirmation from the surgeon's office. After surgery I will still need radiation which is why they will not do immediate breast reconstruction. Reconstruction will happen further down the road when radiation is completed. We will meet with our radiologist at the end of May to determine how much radiation I will need.  Initially we were told five to six week of radiation every day (not on weekends) but there is a chance we may need a little less.  We will have to wait until we meet with that doctor to know for sure. Regardless, only 15 days until my last treatment...

I want this darn thing out...

As excited as I am for my last chemo treatment (18 days!), I also can't wait to get this darn PICC line out of my arm. I don't sleep the same, I can't cuddle up with a blanket the same and it is so uncomfortable. Clothing doesn't fit the same and short sleeves and tank tops look ridiculous because you can see the obtrusive thing. Not only is there a tube/wire coming from my arm, it is wrapped with gauze. Then the nurses have a white and clear plaster (about four inches by three inches in size) over top of the tube/wire and my arm to help keep it in place and avoid unfortunate mishaps (my son or dog accidentally yanking on it). To top it all off, I have a white mesh cover or sock piece over top of everything that surrounds my arm. It makes any clothing with tighter sleeves very uncomfortable and tops that show any arm not an option.  I also need to have it changed and cleaned once a week so I have to be available every Wednesday so a home-care nurse can come in and change and clean it. My home-care nurse came to the house yesterday to change the dressing and clean the skin where the tube/wire comes out of my arm. I mentioned to her that I was just as excited for the chemo to end as I am for the PICC line to come out. Do you know what she said? She told me that they may not take it out in case they decide to to do more chemo treatments! What?!?!?! I am so happy I have an appointment with my surgeon and my oncologist tomorrow because I know what the first question out of my mouth will be! This darn thing better be coming out! And what is this idea that I might need more chemo? No one has ever mentioned this to me before. Am I just whining and complaining now? I don't think so. I want my PICC line out...

Round 6: Lisa 6 Chemo 0

I am so close to the end now. Soooooo close. I can feel it. I can almost touch it. I have made it through my sixth round of chemotherapy and I KNOW that I can make it through two more. They will be painful but I can do it. As with chemo when I felt sick, this chemo pain lasted just the little bit longer.  No matter, I feel good again after my latest round and I will fight through this upcoming round and win...

Counting my fingers and toes...

20 days until my last chemo treatment! I can't wait. I can actually count on my fingers and toes how many days until my last treatment! That feels so good! There is an end in sight. March 24th can't come soon enough. I know, it's my last treatment date. I'll still feel really crappy for another week or so beyond my last chemo treatment, but I am looking forward to this milestone. In reality, I will feel better in about 27 days - without most of the aches and pains. I go this Friday to meet with my surgeon to discuss the bilateral mastectomy plan and dates. The finish line for my chemotherapy milestone is in sight...