Round 4: Lisa 4 Chemo 0

I'm not going to lie to you. This round of chemo was rough.  I felt so nauseous for so long. I was taking the strongest anti-sick prescriptions that the doctor prescribed to me and it was just working enough. Speaking made me feel ill, smells were horrible, moving was nauseating. On top of that, the pain in my muscles and joints was just bearable. I typically start to feel better sometime Thursday evening but I have also noticed that each treatment takes just a little longer to feel better. So here it is, Friday morning and I am still so weak. I still feel a some queasiness and my muscles in my chest and neck are still a bit achy. I can feel that I have turned the corner and I am on my way to feeling better but this treatment was tough. Then again, I am one tough chick...

Some more good news...

We met with my oncologist today for my pre-chemo appointment. She measured my tumor. Good news! It has continued to shrink and become softer. It is now about 4.5cm in size! The chemo is working and doing its job!!! Tomorrow is my fourth chemo treatment and the last of this particular drug before I begin the last four treatments with another drug. The new drug I will be taking shouldn't be quite as nauseating but will make my muscles and joints more sore. I am so happy with the outcome of the first three weeks of chemotherapy. I hope the good news continues...

Just call me Angelina 'Lisa' Jolie...

Well, well, well. I got my results back today from my genetic testing and I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene.  Huh. I need to buy a lottery ticket. Odds were 1 in 400! The BRCA1 gene and genetic testing was made famous by Angelina Jolie. For me now, at least I have a reason that I ended up with breast cancer and at such a young age. This confirms that I will have a bilateral (double) mastectomy (this is at the strong suggestion of the surgeon and the geneticist). I have also come to learn that the results have another implication for me. It is highly recommended and suggested that I have my ovaries removed as well. Because of the BRCA1 gene, I am at a much higher risk of getting ovarian cancer. Dang. It's a good thing that we were not wanting anymore children! As far as my family goes, testing needs to be done on my mother, father and brother.  We also need to let uncles know of the results as they will also need to get tested for the genetic mutation. Some good news in all this is that the BRCA2 gene poses more problems for males - it greatly increases their risk of prostate cancer, more so than the BRCA1 gene. For me, that's better news for my son. Still scares the hell out of me though. There is a 50% chance that I have passed this genetic mutation on to my son...

Look good, feel better...

Today I went to Hearth Place. I enrolled in a seminar called 'Look Good, Feel Better'. For starters, what a great place. It is a renovated home in downtown Oshawa dedicated to people and families with cancer. It is run by volunteers and a number of the volunteers are cancer survivors themselves. The 'Look Good, Feel Better' program is there to help cancer patients feel a bit better about themselves by looking better. You get a large box of product (make-up from MAC, skin creams from Clinique, sunscreens, toners, creams, serums, you name it) and they teach you how to use it all (for those that may not know how).  They also teach you how to fake it - drawing in eyebrows that look more natural for when mine eventually fall out.  All of this is completely free! I was really impressed with the product and the number of volunteers there to help out. Something that I did find out is that once I am finished my chemo treatments, I will start to grow some peach fuzz about three weeks after my last chemo treatment and my hair will start to grow about a month after my last treatment! Yay! I can't wait! Talk about look good, feel better...

Round 3: Lisa 3 Chemo 0

I have survived another round of chemotherapy with only a tiny hiccup along the way. I didn't feel the best on Thursday and my glands in my throat felt so swollen. Turns out, I didn't feel the same kind of sick because I wasn't the same kind of sick. I'm proud of myself for not ignoring how my body felt. I knew it was different and went to the doctor's. It was strep throat. I am pleased to say that I feel so much better than I did yesterday and that I am on the mend, both from the chemo and from the strep throat. I am no longer contagious today as I have had the antibiotics in me and my system for over 24 hours now.  I will spend the next week getting stronger before my next round of chemo.  Only five more rounds of chemotherapy to go...

You've gotta be kidding me...

I have survived my third round of chemo. I woke up today just not feeling well though. I went to the doctor's. It turns out, I have strep throat. I get this quite frequently, so although I am not totally surprised, I am surprised! I have done whatever I can to stay healthy and this bacteria still found me. Could come from living with a six-year old. I had to double check with the pharmacy, and the hospital, and my doctor to make sure that it was okay to take the prescribed medicine. I am able to because I have finished my pre-chemo meds, and the post-chemo meds and the chemo should have flushed through my system by now, or at least be on the way out.  Good news is that I won't be contagious in 24 hours...

24 hours later...

I've come to find out that it isn't the chemo drug that does a number on me. The chemo drug makes you feel tired and a bit sick to your stomach. It's the injection that the home care nurse gives you 24 hours after chemotherapy that makes me feel horrible. I already feel tired and a little sick. The injection magnifies this and then adds to it by making me feel so achy and bruised.  Really looking forward to that today. The home care nurse should be here in a couple hours to give me a tiny injection into my stomach. The actual injection doesn't hurt a lot but the serum burns the entire time it enters your body. Looking forward to that! Also looking forward to feeling horrible from it for the next 48 hours before I start to feel better. I'm off to get my box set of Friends DVDs ready to play in bed...

In for another round...

Derek and I went to the hospital yesterday and had my blood drawn and my weight checked. They check your weight each time so that they know how much chemo drug to give you. Initially they check your height as well (they do this twice, kind of like a double check) because they also need to know your body surface area. Each time I go to get a chemo treatment, they weigh me. The amount of chemo drug will change each time depending on a weight/height calculation. They have it right down to a change of one millilitre. Even losing half a pound makes a difference as to how much drug is administered. My oncologist did not measure the tumor this time but did ask me if I felt it was softer. I think it is but maybe that is me being hopeful. Regardless, it was a quick check-in appointment with her. Today, I went to chemo with my Mom. It was nice and different going with a fresh set of eyes. Derek and I (and I hate to say this) are already old hat at the process. It was all new for my Mom. It was really nice to have her there. The treatment went as well as can be expected, and now that I am back home, I am ready to tuck into bed for the next two or three days...

Mind and energy...

Today I had a Reiki treatment done on me. I had never experienced this before today. I wasn't even sure what it was prior to today (or the last couple days when I looked it up so I would have a basic idea of what it was). I was encouraged to try this by a friend of mine and in fact, she treated me to my first treatment (thank you). I thought, really what can I lose. I am seeking positive energy and thoughts as I travel my journey, so what better. Reiki is all about energy and getting energy flowing in your body. Essentially, Reiki uses a hands-healing technique that uses our energy to heal and balance the subtle energies within our bodies. Reiki addresses physical, emotional, mental and spiritual imbalances. I talked with the practitioner prior to treatment so she had an idea where I was in my breast cancer treatment and how I was feeling. Then the treatment began. I lay face-up on a table (like you would for a massage, although I was fully clothed, unlike when one goes for a massage).  The conduit (the practitioner) ran a pendulum over and above my body prior to beginning any treatment. Then she used a Reiki drum and gently drummed over my entire body (without ever touching me). The cool thing was, I could feel all the vibrations flowing in my body. The purpose of this is to allow the energy to flow deeper within. Quiet, spa-like music filled the room and my treatment began. Initially, the conduit placed her hands on my shoulders and under my head but for the majority of the treatment her hands would only hover over my body. I could feel the heat of the conduit travel into my over body. I really began to relax and soak it all in...and as quick as that, it was over. Well, not really, but it felt like it. She continued the treatment for about half an hour but I suppose I relaxed so much that I may have dozed off a little bit. At one point I felt like my dog Tucker, had come to sleep with me and was laying across my shins. I think it was when the practitioner was grounding my body (her hands were on the bottom of my legs and feet) - energy flows in through our heads and out through our feet. I felt wonderful. I felt relaxed and rested. She asked me if I'd like to draw an Angel card from a stack of tiny cards she had in a box. I did and drew the 'Freedom' card. Huh. It's something that can be interpreted however you want. Freedom could mean so much to me. Ultimately, I think for me, it is the freedom of having cancer in my body, but that is something long-term. For now, maybe it is freeing my body of some negativity, stress and clutter. I will work on detoxing my body of negativity and inviting positive energy into my body and mind...

All in the genes...

On January 8th, Derek and I went to Sunnybrook again. We went to have a genetic test done to determine if I have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene (Breast Cancer 1 or Breast Cancer 2 gene), or more, a mutation to either gene.  I was immediately a candidate for this testing because my mother had had breast cancer and because of my age when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The cool thing with going through Sunnybrook instead of Lakeridge is that we will have the results back in ten working days and they will also do a second test run through a second hospital. Typically, when genetic testing is done the results take two to three months. The results will be compared for accuracy. Once we met with the genetic counsellor, we found out that there are certain cancers that have some relation to each other - pancreatic, breast, ovarian, prostate and skin cancer. Our responses became more interesting to the geneticist because he discovered that my mother's grandfather had cancer, her father had pancreatic cancer, she had breast cancer and now I have breast cancer.  That makes four generations of cancer that is all related to each other. When you are born, you are born with two sets of genes, one from your mother's side and one from your father's side. When you have children, you pass on one set of those genes (50% chance of it being either your mother's or your father's genes - no rhyme or reason). Having said all this, and with having had four generations of related cancers, there is still only a 1 in 400 chance that I may have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene. This also means that if I have the gene mutation, I have a 50% chance of passing the gene on to my son. There are a lot of family implications involved. If the test comes back positive, my mother will then also be tested because other areas of our family will need to know for their own health. It's all in the genes. Now we wait...

More people join my club...

Two months ago, breast cancer was something I didn't know much about. I wasn't even quite sure how cancer came about. Since being diagnosed with breast cancer, I have had three people contact me to let me know that my blog has been helpful to them and that they too have now been diagnosed with breast cancer.  These are people that I actually know, not people that have contacted me via my blog. My whole life, I have only known four people with breast cancer and the number has now doubled in a month. That scares the crap out of me. I sincerely hope that in some way my blog can help them or that I can be a sounding board and a support for them. I am not looking to have any one else join this club...

Round 2: Lisa 2 Chemo 0

I have survived and conquered another round of chemotherapy. This round took just that little bit longer to recover from.  After my first round, the side-effects didn't really hit until 24 hours later. This time, they hit after five hours. By late Friday afternoon, some 72 hours after chemo, I already felt better after the first round. This time, it was closer to 96 hours later.  I also feel more tired more frequently this time.  Nevertheless, I have conquered chemotherapy a second time...

The power of words and love...

We have had so many people express their love and support to us over the past month. Speaking as someone who needs that love and support, you truly have no idea how much it means and how powerful your words are to us. Each and every time I go to the hospital to meet with the doctors, I must complete a survey asking me a number of questions including how depressed and anxious I am, on a scale of 1-10. I have been able to honestly answer each time that I am not depressed or anxious. I've had a few weeks to ponder this.  Why am I not depressed?  This is one of, if not the worst thing I have ever been through in my life and yet, I'm not depressed. I'm not even sad. Huh. I began to recognize that every time I received a card, a text, an email, anything, it was from someone that cared about me.  Each and every one brings a smile to my face. I swear, each and every time I read one of these texts, emails or cards I smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I may not be able to respond to your text or email right away (I feel quite sick and very tired for a number of days at a time) but I read each one and look forward to receiving them. Without fail, I smile. To each and every person that reads my blog, comments on my blog, checks in with me through texts and emails or simply sends me a heartfelt card, you are the reason I feel so great. It's your words and love that are getting me through this. Words and love are very powerful...

Bald is beautiful...

I have been waking up the past few mornings because I kept thinking I was going to have a ponytail of hair laying on my pillow. I was already having clumps of hair fall out in the shower, every time I brushed it and whenever I touched it. Today was the day...to shave my head. My head feels so weird now and so much colder.  For those of you with full heads of hair, hair really does act like a toque on your head. Derek shaved his head right along side me. Riley wasn't sure how he felt when he saw me. He was a bit taken aback. He wasn't sure how to react. He wasn't sure if he liked it (me either, kiddo). Riley gathered just enough courage to touch my head of sparse locks. 
I have discovered a couple things about my head...
1. I have very small ears
2. My head is quite evenly shaped
3. I don't have any unknown scars (or any scars I thought I might have from the curling iron)
4. I have a lot of cowlicks
5. I don't have any really weird bumps or indentations (I guess my parents didn't drop me when I was a baby)
6. Derek thinks I look pretty good with a shaved head (does he have to say that???)
7. So do my parents (I think they have to say that)
I miss my hair, I really do. This feels so foreign. I looks so strange to me. I keep doing a double-take when I catch a glimpse of myself. It is something I will have to come to accept and live with. Moving forward through the rest of chemo, my mantra is 'bald is beautiful'...

Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, still a duck...

Getting chemo treatment. They go to great lengths to make your chemo treatment as comfortable as possible.  Warm blankets, drinks, always checking in...but it's still the hospital... 

48 hours...

48 hours of feeling like hell. Imagine the worst flu you have ever had.  That's what I felt like, only worse.  It started to hit me about two hours after my chemo treatment was completed.  About half past eight that evening, I got chills and my face went as white as a ghost. I went to bed and finally feel a bit better just about two days later. I managed to get myself out of bed for a couple hours the next morning but was back in bed for the rest of the day shortly after. I have finally had a small, bland meal tonight for dinner. My entire body still aches (who knew that even your cheeks could ache?) but I feel like I can join the land of the living again. At least I have made it to the couch in the family room now. My hopes are that with another good nights sleep tonight, I might feel a little bit better again tomorrow. I can't believe I go through this another six times still. It truly feels like hell...